Day One Hundred and Thirty-Nine – Saturday 1^st August

I slept till 11:30am this morning and honestly, I don’t feel that rested. It was difficult to get to sleep last night because it was so hot, and my brain felt quite chaotic and wouldn’t stop turning the gears.

I was supposed to do some more fluid art today, but I didn’t feel like it. I woke with a sort of ‘meh’ mood which I couldn’t seem to shift. Season 2 of ‘The Umbrella Academy’ has just arrived on Netflix, so I sat myself down to begin watching that and while I did, I also painted some more cards.

I did a bit of research on handmade cards on Etsy that are from the UK and made the decision to up my prices a little. This was in light of my recent Etsy bill being higher than expected from all the listings I currently have online. I deactivated some of my older items that have had little interest on the page.

Ideally, I just need to sell more things, but people aren’t necessarily thinking about buying things at the moment. I seem to get plenty of people favouriting items on Etsy but how do you push someone from a favourite into a purchase?

I don’t know. I think I’ll have to do a sale on some of my older products and see if that makes a difference in getting people to buy my stuff.

No one ever said life was easy. You have to work for what you want and endure all the ups and downs, so I know not to give up just because I’m having a slump.

Day One Hundred and Forty – Sunday 2^nd August

Woke up at 11:30am again, weirdly. And also had a complicated weird dream that I won’t explain because it would take too long.

Was going to do some more painting today but I ended up watching Mary Poppins Returns with my Mum and then playing some Xbox.

I did, however, manage to get some reading done. I’ve started reading The Memory Wood by Sam Lloyd and it’s amazing. A truly gripping and compelling read and I’m only 1/3 into the book. It’ll be interesting to see how the story progresses and what avenue it decides to walk.

I tuned back into reality for a while to read the news on COVID-19, but I found Bojo’s comments confusing, unrealistic and chaotic and I was no more informed than I was before knowing. I mean, I complain about the lack of communication at my place of work but it’s nothing compared to the lack of communication in the House of Commons!!

We’re in August now, which feels shockingly quick. I put in a holiday request on Friday. I decided to take an extra week of holiday in December and my manager emailed me back to say that was fine and that ‘we probably wouldn’t be in the office anyway, so there would be nothing to cover’.

That is the first piece of comprehensive information I’ve had about a possible return to work in the last couple of weeks. Our office is completely prepped and equipped to be able to cater to employees through a return to work in the midst of COVID, but no one had actually started the gun in terms of coming back. There has been a lot of misinformation surrounding it and with conflicting points of view.

A lot of colleagues who feel isolated or who are extroverts, want to come back to the office asap. Which is fine, as long as they follow the rules. However, I’m aware that there is a lot of worry and concern over coming back to work. The message I seem to be getting from HR and HSQE is not to rush people back to work. That we’re all working exceptionally well from home or from site and that it is better to remain at home where we can work and be safe, rather than forcing people back into the office when the threat of COVID still lurks.

I find it an interesting conversation because people’s opinions are so varied depending on their beliefs of COVID. It’s a wonderful look into the brains of people around us, seeing how everyone is dealing with this pandemic. Yet, it also shows how much of the human race is still prone to idiotic behaviour and stupidity. It’s a reminder really, that while we’ve evolved so much, there are still parts of our genetic makeup that will likely never change.

Day One Hundred and Forty-One – Monday 3^rd August

I woke before my alarm this morning, which always makes me feel a little grumpy. But I felt so snuggly in my bed that it was an effort to drag myself out of it and get ready for the day.

My emails have been busy this morning, giving me something to focus on and honestly, I’d rather be busy on a Monday morning that sit there twiddling my thumbs.

I’ve updated my book blog, my Etsy shop, my Book insta, my Etsy insta and my Facebook Shop page. So, between doing all of that and actually having proper work to do, I feel quite accomplished with the day.

The weather is shifting between sunny and cloudy and I’ve been holding my breath all day waiting to see if I’ll get a thumping headache, but I seem to have escaped the worst of it, for which I am very thankful.

I have an ambitious stack of 13 books that I’d like to read in August. Now that I am penny pinching everything, I can’t afford to splurge out on as many books as I used to. So, my new goal for 2020 is to read all the books that I have collected around the house. It’s the majority of my tbr list. I think it’s doable, if I remember to commit to it and read at a steady pace.

The trouble for me, is finding time to fit everything in because I have way more commitments this year than I did in 2019. I always seems to take on more than I can chew but I can’t let go of something until I’ve completed it.

I’ve come to the realisation that the dogs might be superstitious. I say this because I recently moved my workspace around to give me a new outlook and in doing so, I moved their basket. Freddie, the elder dog refuses point blank to sleep in it at all, preferring to sleep at the top of the stairs.

Luca will sleep in it but only if he is tucked into the blanket in a certain way and only if there are no obstacles in the way of the basket, like a shoe or a bottle of water.

Which got me thinking that they do the same on my bed. There are only two places that Freddie will sit without grumbling. Similarly, there are only two spots that Luca will sit in without complaint.

After thinking too much about human’s opinions of COVID yesterday, I’ve gone off the other end and started to obsess with how my dogs operate. I think I need help! (Or maybe, I just need to get out the house!)

Day One Hundred and Forty-Two – Tuesday 4^th August

It’s Tuesday and I have got a clingy Italian Greyhound attached like a burr to my side. Luca has decided that the dog basket simply does not fit his needs today and has managed to squeeze onto my lap between my chest and my laptop. Not at all comfortable for me, but he is happily snoozing with his head under my armpit!!

He got a rude shock when lunchtime came and went and I didn’t return to my workspace, but instead went into the office. I had to get my Mum to drop me in because my car is in the garage for a service – which is probably going to cost me a lot of money that I don’t currently possess!

Being in the office this afternoon actually passed rather quickly. It’s getting easier to get everything done in the office in a short space of time, instead of being there for 4+ hours. I’m definitely getting into a routine when it comes to my afternoons in the office.

I do think that when we finally phase back into the office, it is going to feel me with a lot of stress and anxiety because, while I know I will be doing my best to follow the rules and keep myself safe, I know that those around me won’t necessarily be doing the same.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Three – Wednesday 5^th August

Today, around work, because it was boring spreadsheet information and the beginnings of outlining what suppliers I need to call for POD papers. I watched the film ‘Knives Out’, which is currently on Prime Video. I must say, the first half hour or so was very tedious and I struggled to keep my interest held. However, the second half of the film picked up and became more interesting and I ended up enjoying the film in the end.

I have mostly remained doing work today. My schedule is funny like that now I’m wfh. I can be vastly quiet and then vastly busy and with no in-between. It’s nothing like the stress of being overloaded with work that I sometimes experienced in the office, and it doesn’t affect my anxiety, but I do feel my stress levels spiking up now and then.

I did have a mini mental breakdown this evening that occurred over mortgage talk. In many ways I am completely adult and in many other ways I am still childlike. This of course, is all related to my syndrome and how my brain works, but in terms or mortgages, I honestly thought you applied for a mortgage, it was excepted, you found a place to live, exchanged, moved in and that was that.

How woefully ignorant I was. My breakdown stemmed from how little I currently earn and whether I’d even have enough money after mortgage and bill payments to live off for a month. I retreated, as I always do because I couldn’t handle the situation. My Dad helped me see the light a little.

For him, it is important to get me on the property ladder and to help me understand the mechanics behind moving because my parents might not always be there to help me. He also reminded me that I see the world differently and I am special. He argued that for someone with my syndrome, I was doing remarkably well, and the process of looking to move out into my own space was a step in the right direction. Having to ask for my parent’s financial help isn’t a failure, it is a gift they have chosen to given me, as without it I wouldn’t stand a chance getting onto the property ladder.

I do still feel guilty though.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Four – Thursday 6^th August

It was hard to wake up this morning, I was tired, my hay fever was bad and there was a dull ache in the middle of my forehead. I had slept badly the night before and that was evident in my itchy eyes and constant yawns.

My new macbook charger arrived today, meaning that if I so wish it, I can work from the comfort of my bed. I usually do this on days when my knee inflammation is playing up or on days when I have a bad back or bad head. However, my original charger is plugged into the workspace I’ve created and it’s behind furniture and too fiddly to continually plug and unplug. Hence, why I got this other charger.

I’ll just say that I’m not being lazy, I have showered and dressed if I’m working from my bedroom, not lying around like a lazy slug.

In my monthly team catch up meeting with my boss and other members on the team, we caught up with projects we had been working on etc. It was my boss who said she thought that emails about COVID had come to a stop and wouldn’t be something we’d need to do anymore. I thought that perhaps, that was a rather naïve view, or maybe a view in denial, as I think COVID is far from over.

I had to go into the office earlier than expected today as there had been miscommunication over a task I was set to do. In the end, I couldn’t complete the task anyway as the machine in question was in error and I had to call the printing company and our IT manager in to help resolve the issue.

I couldn’t stay to see the matter resolved. I was suddenly called away from working in a panicked and worrying manner. My dear Mum is/was unwell, and I needed to look after her. A task that I took on like a knight upon his valiant steed and I tried to be calm and confident and helpful while I really felt my own panic and instability rising.

I was going to make cake tonight but didn’t ger around to it. I hope my ingredients will still keep till tomorrow.

So, the evening actually ended with my dear Mum going to hospital in an ambulance!

Day One Hundred and Forty-Five – Friday 7^th August

I didn’t work today, I don’t even think I would have been able to focus, and my boss had given me the day off. I didn’t sleep much last night because I was worrying so much, and I am very tired and anxious today.

It was an odd scenario because I had to keep asking my Dad for updates because my Mum kept lying to me in her text messages and just saying ‘all was fine’.

She was released from hospital in the evening and thankfully it was nothing to do with her heart. It was a mystery that the hospital is determined to get to the bottom of but the whole experience was definitely not something I’d want to experience again.

(The main reason this post is late is because of the chaos of Thurs night/Friday).