Day One Hundred and Forty-Six – Saturday 8th August
Today is my sister’s birthday and she came around to celebrate with us. Mum is still a bit wobbly but would prefer to put the past behind her and pretend it never happened. Whatever my Mum wants, I’ll do.
It is ridiculously hot in the south of the UK at the moment. It is 31 degrees today and I feel like I could melt into a puddle of goo at any given moment. I had a shower this morning on the lowest warmth setting and it was refreshing for all of five minutes till I had to get out and put clothes on. It was the last refreshing moment of my day!
I picked up my car from the garage this morning. What I thought was going to cost £800 actually cost £1200, so I had to return to the ‘bank of Dad’ to help me in paying the last bit. If the ‘bank of Dad’ was a real bank, I’d have been barred from it long ago! I try to do things myself because I don’t like having to rely on my parent’s generosity/I feel very guilty about it.
From picking my car up, I went straight to Sainsbury’s and spent a wonderful moment in the refrigerated section of the supermarket. I almost didn’t want to leave. I managed to get halfway home before I remembered that the way I was driving led to the closed road (from a sinkhole) and that I couldn’t get to my house. So, I had to double back and go a different route, it was a little chaotic!!!
My sister and her partner came around for lunch and we sat outside – socially distanced – in the hot summer air. I desperately wished for a cool breeze, but none came.
I got ambushed into sharing my good news with my sister and her partner because they bamboozled me with questions, and I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough. So, I hope nothing will go wrong between me telling them and getting the final result.
Managed to avoid all COVID talk today, which was heartening to hear. I’ve noticed with several socially distanced meet up that the first thing people want to talk about is COVID, and honestly, that negativity can be avoided.
I was SUPER tired as the evening drew to a close. I’d been up till 1am Friday morning worrying. Worried all through Friday and then got up early on Saturday, so my body was physically knackered, and the headache was pulsating angrily and making me sleepy. I went to bed at 9:15pm!
Day One Hundred and Forty-Seven – Sunday 9th August
Usually, when I go to bed early, my body sleeps half the morning away. I’ve always been someone that adored sleep. But today, my body woke me up at 5:30am, with a serious hay fever cloud and I couldn’t get back to sleep again. I did try to sleep but it was almost impossible! In the end, I got up, had breakfast, did my washing and made a few online purchases.
When my Dad got up at 8am, he was most perplexed to see me up and awake. He did look very shocked!
This is where my productivity ended because, as you can imagine, I was completely knackered from my disrupted night. I did manage to do some card painting but have to keep reminding myself that I can’t put on more card listings until I sell some more cards.
It’s a vicious circle I suppose, but when I’m only selling cards between £1-£2, I have to be careful about how much product I put online, otherwise my tax bill is longer than my profit.
I still haven’t read anything and I’m feeling super guilty about it! I am at various places in a couple of books, but I haven’t managed to finish any of them yet. At this point, the goal of reading 130 books does seem a little unattainable. I was obviously more motivated last year and had less responsibilities.
Day One Hundred and Forty-Eight – Monday 10th August
How is it Monday already?
That ‘hot as hell weather’ is continuing on. The UK is not equipped for the heat. We don’t have air con installed in our houses. In fact, we have insulation to keep the heat in during the winter. The UK heatwave is like being abroad but with none of the benefits.
The relief of the cold morning shower lasts for all of a few seconds before the heat rushes back. Trying to find clothes that won’t eventually stick to you is so difficult. I have come to loath my laptop and laptop tray for heating me up more than I would like.
I had to take my Mum to an appointment this afternoon and sat in my car for almost 2 hours, in the heat. I legitimately thought I was going to melt into my driving seat. I drank so much that I desperately needed the toilet. Forgot that you can’t use the toilets in supermarkets – thanks COVID – so it was an uncomfortable journey home!
Mum has decided to put me and her on this 800-calorie diet. If you could see my face right now, you’d see how ‘thrilled’ I was by this…Mum wanted to do the diet – she enjoys dieting and I’m just doing it to keep her happy.
But! I am worried. It’s much harder for me to diet now with my iron deficiency and my allergies and intolerances. I am worried that going on this diet will increase the risk of my iron attacks and result in more migraines. Hopefully, this is a diet where my Mum and I can chat and come to a reasonable solution and it won’t be something that is going to bring my mood down and ban me from all foods I like.
Day One Hundred and Forty-Nine – Tuesday 11th August
Today it was 35 degrees. I’ve never liked the heat and I feel badly equipped to deal with it. The surgery I had to correct my hyperhidrosis was a godsend, but my body hasn’t worked out how to cope with the heat since then. It’s really odd, a bizarre situation that I can’t really work out how to handle.
I ended up working from my bedroom because my blackout curtains make it cooler. I also ended up just wearing a nighty to cope with the hot weather. I even had to turn on my small USB fan – and while I realise it was only blowing around hot air – it did weirdly make me feel cooler.
The weather keeps showing the coming thunderstorm. I usually dislike these because I get air pressure migraines when they come but I am strangely looking forward to it. I need the storm to make the air cooler. I’m not sure how many brits are thinking the same thing, but I am sick of this hot weather now.
I will always be a winter jumper kind of girl.
It was a challenge to keep awake today, not because I was particularly tired but because the heat was making me sleepy. I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack on a loop. I find that the soundtrack works for any occasion, here, I used it as a mood booster and as an uplifting way of keeping me awake.
I had to do some double screen time in the afternoon. I was getting lost in spreadsheet hell as I’m preparing for an audit that’s coming in October, so I turned on Prime Video and watched a couple of Criminal Minds to help keep me awake and alert.
When I’m in the office on Thursday, I’ve got to do some important stuff for this audit. It’s the most annoying audit and the bane of my life and it involves so much paperwork from different sources. Chasing it all up is the part that gives me the most stress, and that’s the process I’m starting to go through now. Annoyingly, our auditor is a ‘Karen’. We’ve had him for 4 of the 5 years I’ve worked at the company and he’s a real shit.
Day One Hundred and Fifty – Wednesday 12th August
I hate this diet.
Mum is measuring our food portions out.
I’m not even joking.
She banned me from having coco pops in the morning.
Before the diet, I’d eat coco pops for breakfast, salad or sarnie for lunch, piece of fruit at 3pm when I got the munchies, dinner.
I’m only allowed to eat apples or pears.
Oh, or a ‘handful of berries.’
Can’t have bread! That’s a ‘carb’.
I’ve had 2 iron attacks so far this week. On average I have around 4 a month!
I’ve had headaches every day, but I can’t identify what is causing them as the weather is hot and my hay fever is bad, so it could be caused by a number of things.
Whenever I have dieted in the past, it has been in a style I know I can stick with. I don’t cut things out or ban myself from eating anything, but I just try to put more healthy food into my diet, and swap junk snacks to veggie snacks. It has always worked well for me.
In 2017, I was 10 stone.
I am now around 14 stone.
The cause of this? I became happy in my life.
I wasn’t happy before and I wasn’t eating properly.
For the most part I am happy in my body. I have down days, but I think everyone does. My weight gain isn’t even a problem to my GP. But it is a problem to my parents…
It makes me very confused.
Am I happy?
Am I overweight?
Should I be skinner?
Should I sacrifice my happiness?
I’m not entirely sure there is a correct answer to this and if there is, I’m not sure what advice it would offer.
Obviously, this has been on my mind a lot today but in an odd sense, I’m glad I’ve managed to focus on something that isn’t COVID related.
Day One Hundred and Fifty-One – Thursday 13th August
People see my muscle condition as something I over sell or something that I lie about but the reality is the pain I am currently in. My shoulder muscles have knotted, my neck muscles are strained, and it hurts to move. My inflamed knee wishes to be removed from the conversation and my lower back groans with every step I take.
I was in the office again this afternoon and I actually had something important I needed to make a start on. However, I actually never got around to doing it – which pissed me off to no end – because a colleague had asked me to print 3 copies of 17 A1 drawings.
If you’ve ever used a plotter machine, then you know my struggle. If you don’t, let me tell you.
Firstly, printing A1 drawings is a slow process, it takes a big chunk out of your time.
Secondly, you need to be standing in front of the plotter to make sure it doesn’t jam or screw up the drawing you are printing.
Thirdly, I have to fold all those drawings in a ‘particular manner’. Yet, there is no table big enough for this, so I have to kneel on the floor.
Fourthly, I have to cut all the drawings down to size, which is another task I have to do kneeling on the floor.
The ‘colleague’ who asked me to do this is someone I already dislike and try to avoid. They are also someone I’ve had to complain about frequently for thinking I am their ‘personal secretary’. Ironically, if we’d all been in the office, they wouldn’t have DARED to dump this on my shoulders because they’d know what my response would have been.
But because of the pandemic ‘liberties’ are apparently being taken. Don’t worry, I keep ALL my receipts. I have a PDR coming up…
*Insert smug smile here*
Day One Hundred and Fifty-Two – Friday 14th August
End of the week again and it is finally a little cooler. I slept terribly, my body tensed and my mind troubled. I felt very tired when I woke up and the feeling has lingered. It has been storming here since yesterday and so it was inevitable that I get an air pressure migraine.
This one was a doozie. It’s been a constant pulse across the middle of my forehead and working has been a big struggle. Staring at a computer screen is always troublesome when I have an air pressure migraine.
It has also brought my mood way down. I ended up taking 4 paracetamols and then napping from 4pm for two hours.
The stupid diet Mum has me and her on really pissed me off today. I know how to look after my body when I have a migraine, but Mum was insistent that I ‘not ruin the diet’. When actually I couldn’t give 2 f***s about the diet because I needed a more of a carb meal to combat the migraine. I even mentioned this to her, but I got fish with broccoli and kale instead.
I’m grateful she cooked for me at all, and that she looked after my iron intake. But usually, if I have a migraine of this degree, she listens to what I tell her and how my body is feeling but she didn’t. I feel trapped in this ridiculous diet. I’m doing it because it’s important to Mum and it makes her happy but honestly, I want to kick it in the face.
It works well for my Mum.
It doesn’t work well for someone who is iron deficient, who suffers from repeated headaches and migraine, and for someone who has allergies and intolerances.
In case you can’t tell, I’m grumpy as hell today, and pissed off.
The weekend, hopefully, will be better.
At the End of the World is a Book 