I’ve trained myself to be numb.
To protect myself by keeping all of my volatile emotions carefully in check.
But when my drug-addicted stepdad offered my younger sister to the Ruthless Mafia Men that run our city…
I had no choice but to react.
Keeping her safe was the only thing I ever cared about
And unlike her, I was already damaged beyond repair
So I did something really stupid,
And offered myself up to them instead.
I expected The Reapers to be cruel,
to push me beyond my limits, and test me at every turn.
but I didn’t expect to LIKE it.
I am on week four of being without a car, and I never thought I’d feel constricted by the same walls that bring comfort. Through family and a whole lot of self-searching, I do have another car on the horizon, but I do not pick it up until the 24th. So, I continue to live within the same four walls and try not to become unravelled by it.
The weather has turned grey, and I honestly hope that means that cooler weather is on the way because I don’t think there is any grass left in the UK to turn brown.
Originally, I downloaded this book to read on my holiday in Devon, but while that week passed with much joy, I didn’t read! So, I dutifully sat down with this book and read it in one sitting. This is, like many books I’ve read recently, a reverse harem or ‘why choose’ romance in which the MFC has multiple love interests. The book is in no way original. The idea of ‘mafia’ style romance has been around the block a fair few times. I think many of us are drawn to morally grey or darkened characters as a complete departure from reality.
I’ll admit that I haven’t read many mafia-why-choose romances. I read The Kings series by Eva Ashwood a few years ago, and for me those were a PEAK read. I suppose it formed some of the basis of what I looked for in a book of this genre. I have perhaps become a little stricter about what I accept as good writing in this genre of reading.
This book follows Stevie, a downtrodden, victimised young woman who has been through so much hardship that I wouldn’t be surprised if she did become a serial killer. It is all poised in the light of her being a badass character, and while that is true, it is also true that what this character endures is worse than most real-life nightmares and not something that everyone can survive. As we all experience life differently, I think the most prominent feeling I had while reading Stevie’s POV was compassion. I think her resilience was hope-enduring and her countenance entrancing. A character with flaws, yes, but who doesn’t. A character driven by the need to protect. A character who has removed herself so far from what is normal that the smallest amount of basic necessity has her heart racing and her mind wondering what to do.
I appreciated that she didn’t fight against reality. That she met her destiny willingly and with open arms. The level of animosity towards The Reapers is well-earned. She expects more of the life she has endured. I don’t think she ever expected to meet people that she might be on equal footing with. To find people who might be as twisted by their past as she is by hers. It enlightens her in a way, guides her towards a new understanding, and kindles a small spark of care in her otherwise barren life.
She doesn’t just walk in and surrender either. She has balls. She fights back, she challenges, she conquers. There is a bite to her character. I can understand who she is through her actions and behaviours, but it is still nice to have a surprise thrown in, to see her act in an unexpected way. I think that, by having her character be someone who has acted as a protector for so long and has always longed for care she hasn’t been given, she becomes incredibly relatable. I think without it, I wouldn’t have gotten as much out of the reading and might have just assumed it was similar to many other books out there. I’m not saying the book isn’t similar to many other books; I’m just saying that this character in particular made it feel otherwise while reading.
Atlas, Ezra, Tristan, and Cyrus are the four men in the bowl. Brothers in arms and actual brothers at the same time. From Stevie’s outpouring of her past, we get snippets into the men’s past. Enough to gather a sense of them and share it with what is individually learned about them. We get chapter POVs for all four of the men and for Stevie, so we get a good idea of what goes on in their heads, what makes them tick, what they feel as a character, and so on.
Atlas, as the name suggests, carries the world on his shoulders. As the oldest of the brothers, he has clearly been fulfilling the role of protector for longer than he can remember. A downside to this is that he doesn’t know how to let other people in or share the weight on his shoulders. His behaviour towards Stevie during this book is downright apocalyptic. Brought on by his own actions, feelings, and denials. Classic villain behaviour for this style of book. It takes him the longest to work through his emotional side to see what his rational side has known all along.
Ezra is the demon of the four. I say “demon” because I think it is the best way to describe a character who feeds on others’ pain. Not the pain of words per se, but the slicing and dicing of the human body with as much pain and death as possible. The kind of action that ends up on a True Crime Podcast but is comically ‘grey’ in a why-choose romance. I did think that Ezra would be the last one to fall for Stevie, but I forgot that these bloodthirsty characters are often the first to show a softer side. Granted, it’s wrapped up in a lot of chaos and trauma, but despite the lust for all things violent and criminal, Ezra is able to comfort Stevie and offer her a safe space.
Tristan is the quiet one. The one who gives a look and you know whether you’d offended him or not. He is quieter than the others and seems to prefer his own company. We, as the reader, learn why this is pretty quickly into the reading. It’s such a juxtaposition for a mafia character to have this sort of weakness that it was refreshing to read. It made the character more human and relatable. It showed that The Reapers had room to grow beyond their stereotype and that not everything would be black and white with these characters.
Cyrus, finally, I think, can be thought of as the mascot puppy of The Reapers. He falls for Stevie more quickly than the others and regrets what he got himself into. I think he has been a character whose personality was perhaps lost among the four brothers, and with Stevie he doesn’t feel he has to put on an act or a disguise. I don’t know whether he does it knowingly, or even whether it was the author’s intention, but I almost hear a sigh of relief from his character as he interacts with Stevie.
I had been so wrapped up in the story and how the characters were presenting themselves that I didn’t see the ending coming. And I mean that seriously and honestly. Did not expect it to go that way at all. Wasn’t even a thought in my mind. It makes for a better read, not knowing what will happen in the final pages. Unfortunate that Stevie had to go through more trauma to get there, but I understand the plot’s reasoning.
I think, as the series continues, I would like to see more of Alex. As the first part of the story suggests, before Stevie meets The Reapers, she and Alex share a tight bond. I would like to see that continue through the series; otherwise, that part of the character will fall flat and feel inauthentic to me.
